MashCast !

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS):

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few  reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around  whining about it.
She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more  interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at  the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Young Chuck, moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Chuck replied 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said 'Ok then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked 'What ya gonna do with him?'
Chuck said 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
 
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. But looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper behind him; blue and red lights flashing and siren blaring.
 
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?  I'm too old for this", and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
 

Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.


"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.


The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was that Indian crazy or what?"



An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

A guy is driving around and sees a sign in front of a house that says "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes around the house and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" the man asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?" the guy asks.

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.

They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.

It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, "What 'cha gonna do about it?"

The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY.' I can't stand to see a man crying."